Like a Kiss Goodbye
by meetjasper
Summary: Late one night lives are changed forever as secrets are exposed, hearts broken and one soul is set free.
1. Setting myself Free

Looking around this cell, I sigh as I sign the final letter before sliding it into the envelope. My life has seriously went downhill in the last two years. Laying the letter on the stack of others, I stand and walk over to the wall of bars. "I'm done." I say motioning Abe over. Turning around I pick the letters up and with one last look at them, stick them out between the bars. "Deliver them in the morning. Don't read any of them before then. Okay?" He just stares at me with that look that says he knows I'm up to something but nonetheless he shakes his head, showing he understands.

Abe hadn't been much for words around me since he failed to get me off the hook for the murder of the queen. I think he took it personally, but wouldn't you if your daughter was convicted of high treason and sentenced to die in two weeks.

Two weeks. That's all the time I have left here in this world. Granted I never really liked it here but anything is better than being killed for something you were falsely convicted of. I don't like the fact that my death is being scheduled, I always thought I'd die in action with honor. Now I'm being hanged and my guardian title that I worked so hard for has been stripped away. I have nothing left to live for.

Glancing outside my cell I make sure, I'm alone before crossing my prison and picking up the toothbrush, I'd been given. Looking at it I begin to sharpen it a point by rubbing it against the stonewalls. It's been days since I began doing this and by the looks of it tonight will be the night just as I planned. Lowering the wall, I always hold between the world of dead and myself I sigh. The ghosts immediately flood my vision and reach out to me. I feel the initial panic that always comes with the visits from them but push it aside.

I saw them, staring at me, hating me. Taut jaw, ominous eyes, as if they were never going to let me forget what had happened to me all those years ago and that I was a part of them. That I am only alive because spirit runs through my veins. Their eyes bore through me making me feel like they can hear my every thought, feel my every emotion. I know I belong with them and they know it and tonight I've decided to do something about it. I can't stand another night inside this prison where it seems the walls cave in and the air is hard to breathe.

Not long before I was thrown into this place, Dimitri was released from it. He survived this place and the fact that I know I won't weighs down on me like a ton of bricks. Knowing even after all his training I, still fall short in comparison to him is a hard thing to swallow even now.

Pushing my sleeves up I look down at the inside of my wrists. Bringing the make shift knife up the inside of my wrist I watch the blood run down my arm pooling around my hand on the floor. Switching hands, I cut the inside of the other arm before laying the knife down. I sit there for what seems like forever until my world turns black, "I love you Lissa, Goodbye." With my last words spoken, I succumb to the feeling of nothingness that my body feels. Just before my last bit of consciousness fades, I hear Lissa's voice, _Rose. What's happening? No, please don't give up. I need you. Rose! _For the first time ever I guess the bond managed to work two ways. "Sorry." I whisper. _I love you Rosie._

I don't know how long I stay in that place of darkness but after what seems like eternities I feel my body floating and the next thing I know I'm over my body. Turning my head, I see thousands of ghosts floating everywhere. "Did I do it?" I ask but no sound comes from my mouth but that's all the answer I need. I'm dead, gone from this world of pain and torture. I died not by the hand of an executioner but by the hand Dimitri trained and nurtured until it was deadly, I died by my own hand on my own schedule not anyone else's. Staring down at my lifeless body a tear slides down my face and I see a group of people rush into my cell, Dimitri, Abe, Mom, and Lissa.

Lissa has tears flowing down her face before she even looks inside; she witnessed it all through the bond. When her eyes fall on my lifeless body, her legs give out under her and she hits the ground. She crawls toward my body, hugging it. Trying to bring me back, I realize when I see the aura of gold lighting up around her. I see a couple of guardians rush in and pry her off my body; she's hitting and kicking them while crying hysterically. Once they get her out the room, I see my mom.

Janee Hathaway the kickass guardian has tears rolling down her cheeks. She runs into Abe's outstretched arms burying her face in his chest. Looking closer I can see the sadness and pain in his eyes. He thinks it's his fault, he holds himself responsible because he wasn't able to win the trial. I can see pride there in his eyes, he never thought my death should be scheduled either. This is exactly what he would've done I know it is. I refused to give them the satisfaction of killing me by taking my own life. I watch them walk from the room and I close my eyes.

One person remains, the one person who hurt me more than anyone else in my entire life. He hurt me more in two years than my mom did in eighteen. Dimitri sits on my bed his face hidden from view but I can tell you what it looks like, he has his guardian mask on. I would bet anything on it, but that's a bet I would have lost because when he raises his head I see the tearstains. "I love you Roza." He reaches down and picks my hand up, kisses it softly before laying it back down. "I'm proud of you." He whispers before walking out the room.

Once he walks away, I begin to fade until I'm completely gone from this world and everything in it. My last thoughts linger in the air I'm sure, he loves me, but I thought his love faded.


	2. Angry Yells but No one was Listening

Heyy(: Here is Rose's letter to Janee. It's not as long as I would like but this is all I could think of that Rose would say to her mom. Guess what! I turn 17 sunday, funn right. So I'm going to try and update as much as I can on each of my stories before then because I'm going out with some friends for my birthday sunday then on monday I have to have dinner with Jon and his parents. Never met them so I'm kinda nervious. Wish me luck.

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Walking into my room, I see a plain white envelope sitting on my bed. I pick it up and see Rose's familiar scribble across it. My hands shake as I pull the paper out, unfolding it I sit on my bed. The tears prickle at my eyes threatening to fall. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and picture her, my daughter. I never thought I'd go before her. . A life without that smart mouth seems unbearable, I know I was never really around but I always had someone tell me how she was and her mouth was something I always heard, but now it's gone and I don't even have enough memories to remember her by. I always thought she'd outlive me. Opening my eyes, back up I begin to read.

Mom,

You left me. When I was five years old, you drove up to the gates surrounding St. Vladimir and dropped me off. You didn't look back as you drove away so you didn't see the tears pouring down my cheeks. You didn't see the heartbroken little girl because you didn't bother to look. I was just a mistake to you, something that had kept you from being a guardian for the last five years. You couldn't get away fast enough. Don't try to deny this Mom because well now you're voice would fall on deaf ears literally. Yeah I know that's not an impressive way to write but you know what this is my last words to you so they're going to be true.

Five years old, five mom that's how old I was when I began to despise you and your guardianship. How can you look down at a child and only see the person who will always be second best to your job? You made me and you threw me away the first chance you got. At first, I was lucky if I got to see you every other holiday but as the years passed and I grew older, your visits began to come further and further apart. It got to the point where I had a new family and I was happy. Want me to let you in on a secret? I still needed you I always needed you, but you were never there.

Sitting here in this cell day after day has made my mind become a warped and twisted, it's come to the point where I can longer wait—I can't wait any longer for death to come for me. My death is something that should never had been planned; I wanted to die in battle with honor so for once you would be proud of me. However now when you think back on your daughter all you will remember is my weakness. Weakness so strong that I could not live another day in this court run snake pit. This place where it seems the walls cave in towards me whispering of my coming death.

I'm not insane mother just fed up. I'm fed up for the Moroi for not being able to help protect themselves. For forcing my race to give up their lives to protect those who more than ninety percent of the time don't give a rats ass about us. I'm fed up with being overlooked by you just because Lord Sleazy is in town; yes, I know that isn't his name. But most of all I'm fed up with a corrupt judicial system where an innocent person is convicted of high treason and sentenced to die.

I'm sorry I wasn't stronger mom. Despite everything, I've said I really do love you. I wish you had been in my life more. I need you to do something for me. I need you to be the glue that holds my group of friends together. Be there for Lissa the way you were never there for me. Treat Dimitri as a Dhampir and not a Strigoi because that's what he is. When you look at him, I want you to see the man I love not the man who came back from the walking dead. Just look after all of them for me but especially those two because they mean the world to me.

Goodbye Mom, maybe I'll see you again sometime. Remember I had no choice.

Rose

Laying the letter down I see small watermarks spotting the paper, lifting my hand to my face I feel wetness. Tears coat my face as they continue to fall. I never thought Rose felt like this. She always seemed so strong and independent, like she didn't need me. I was wrong she needed me the whole time and now I'll never see her again.

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If you feel like there is anything Rose should address in her letter just drop me a review and I'll work it in. Thanks(:


	3. Whispers of a broken Child

Walking back into my room I look down at the last letter, it's addressed to Old Man. Even in death, the girl has a sense of humor. I turn to sit down and flip the envelope over in my hands I can't open it. I just got her back and now she's gone forever. I feel something fall down my cheek and reach up to touch moisture. I don't know how long it's been since I've cried but it doesn't feel right. "Let's see what you have to say Little Girl. " I whisper before tearing into the envelope.

**Old Man,**

**Where were you when I needed you? When my best friend's whole family died in a car wreck. When I was a five-year child facing the fact that neither of her parents wanted her, where were you? Where were you when all the other kids went home for holidays and I was left at the academy? When Lissa and I were on the run for two years alone where were you? Why didn't you show up then? Why did you decide I finally needed you when I was in Russia and eighteen? I guess when I was five, ten or even fifteen I just wasn't right? What changed and why did it happen when I didn't want you anymore?**

**Where were you for the last eighteen years Abe? You weren't there when I was five and threw a book at my teacher, the meeting they pulled me into yeah I was there alone. You weren't there when I decided to use a garbage bag as a parachute, I was by myself when I had to get that cast I was seven. Where were you when I almost died in that car wreak, I woke up in the clinic all alone. Where were you when I gained my reputation by pushing a girl so hard into a tree she broke her arm? Where were you when I decided all alone that I had to get Lissa out so I could protect her? Where were you when we began to run out of money? Where were you when Lissa was kidnapped and tortured, I felt all of that along with her? Where were you when I killed my first two strigoi? Where were you when the school was attacked? Where were you when I lost the love of my life?**

**What changed when I entered Russia? Why did you decide it was worth protecting me then? I don't understand what logic you had that entitled you to think I would want you around me when for the last eighteen years you'd been nonexistent. Can you explain that to me? Well now you can't you know because I'm dead.**

**Okay so enough hate, I need to tell you thank you. Thank you for taking on my case when I'm sure you knew it was pointless. You knew the evidence against me was overwhelming but you still tried, so thank you. You should know that this situation that has me writing these letters isn't your fault. If you had won, the case my life would still be over, my guardianship would still be gone and Dimitri still wouldn't love me. Granted I wouldn't be dead but my life would still be over.**

**So don't fret dad, I know you tried. This situation was just a no win for me anyway so it's okay. I'm sorry that when we finally began to form a relationship this happened. I know that me leaving this way isn't the most respectable thing for a guardian but I think you can understand why I did it. Would you want someone to have your death planned? You would want to go out on your own schedule, wouldn't you? I'm your daughter, I come from you and I feel the same way as you about death. It's inevitable but should never be planned; my death shouldn't come as a surprise to you. I'm sure you know what I'm going to do. I can see it in your eyes when you come to visit. You knew what I was thinking and you didn't try to stop me.**

**It's just that since I was thrown into this prison cell it's been like a black hole is sucking me inward, downward into this nothingness. I need that feeling to be over. I know I should have told someone what I was planning to do but I would have been stopped. I also thought I'd go to the top of Guardian ranks, I didn't have to end like this but things change and I had no choice. They were going to get me, so I got myself first. My mind is a twisted place old man, I'm sorry but you and everyone else will be better off without knowing a crazy-mixed-up person like me.**

**Freedom never meant much to me before now but I guess when you lose something it's all you want back. I just need all of this to be over. I have to end this I have no hope left. I'm not depressed just fed up. I'm sorry for all of this. I need you to do something for me. Make sure mom is all right. Her letter is going to be hard for her to read. Just do that one thing for me and it'll make up for the years of your absence.**

**Little Girl**

Laying the letter down I wipe the moisture from my cheeks, stand and walk towards the door. Rose think's Janee needs me but what Rose didn't think of was that I would need Janee just as much. I glance back one last time towards where the letter had fallen when I finished. This feeling of anguish falls on me as I turn the doorknob. My daughter is gone all because of someone's hatred.


	4. Pleas falling upon deaf ears

Tipping the glass up I swallow back the last of jack. Looking down I see the envelope, her last words to me. Pouring another shot I pull a cigarette out of my pack, I'm down to my last one. Knocking the shot back, I open the envelope and pull her letter out. I close my eyes to try and ready myself for what she has to say. The last things she thought when I crossed her mind, her final goodbye. Opening them, I look down at the letter but I don't read it not yet instead I look at her messy handwriting. Running a hand over my eyes, I begin to read and before I read the first word, I feel the tears building.

Adrian,

When I met you, I was already in love and we both knew it. That didn't mean much to you, the word love doesn't mean much to you really at least not when the person is in love with someone else. To me you were just some stuck up Royal who had an addiction problem at first but over time, I began to learn that you were so much more. Granted you were always a stuck up Royal with an addiction problem, but you were also this trustworthy, sweet, loving person. Others may not see you as a good person but I will always remember you as one.

I never loved you Adrian, at least not in the way you wanted. I always saw you as this guy who was crazy about me but that I only liked as a friend. Despite that, I gave you a chance and now I realize that I was just leading you on and for that, I'm sorry. Please keep reading these are things you need to know. What we had was never love on my part. If I loved you in any way, it was as a friend. I hope one day, you find that girl and then maybe you can be okay with this because I can't expect you to forgive me but if one day you wake up, see how great your life is, and realize I was right could you just accept that?

What we had was just your practice run for the real love of your life. I know you're beyond pissed right now, I bet your swallowing shot after shot and you're down to your last cigarette, but know I'm telling you this for your own good. Whenever you start to remember our short time spent together don't feel angry or used just remember that every love you lose just brings you closer to your true love. When you do begin to fall for that special girl remember it long hard fall so be careful when you give your heart away.

You know I really am sorry for all the pain I've caused you and the time I've wasted. This isn't the way I ever imagined I'd be telling you this. This isn't the way I thought I would die of all the ways I ever imagined suicide wasn't on there. Being convicted of high treason wasn't exactly something I thought would ever happen either. But sometimes lives throws you for a loop and you just have to hang on for the ride. The loops I've been thrown lately are pretty shitty of you ask me so this is where I'm getting off.

This cell where I've spent the last month is like hell. I live every day in this dazed and confused state hoping that I'll wake up and this will just be a bad dream. I never woke up; I guess life is funny that way. This dream just keeps repeating and nothing ever changes. I always wake up alone with my mind—so twisted and scary. The wall they cave in towards me suffocating me, pushing to the point of insanity. I can't live like this anymore; I refuse to. The only way I see out of this hell is to die.

I didn't kill your aunt; I hated her so much but I didn't kill her. I hope you believe that. They've scheduled my execution. Can you believe that, my death is scheduled? Always thought I'd die in battle like some hero from a fairy tale. Guess I was wrong but I refuse to die by execution; I rather die by my own hand. That's why I'm doing this Adrian, writing this letter all the letters. I'm ending it tonight on my own clock. No one will expect this; they probably think I'll yell something out at my execution. Oh didn't you know it's going to be public. How humiliating is that?

Goodbye Adrian. I hope the rest of life is amazing. It was a pleasure to know you. I hope that one day when you think back on Rosemarie Hathaway, your little Dhampir you won't feel resentment but contentment. There are things about me that you will never know but do not for a moment ever think I don't love you or any of my friends, remember I'm doing this because I have no other choice. I'm sorry, I really am.

Little Dhampir

I draw in a deep breath as I stare down at the tear stained paper. That what she thought right before she killed herself, that she doesn't love me and never did. She's right I will never forgive her. Balling the paper up I throw it across the room before drowning back another shot. I walk to my bar to grab another bottle but my legs give out and I fall to the ground. The tears fall faster now as I lay there. I have nothing left, how can she think I'll ever love anyone else? She's the only person I've loved ever. How cans he do this to me?


	5. He didn't know, noone told him

Heyy(: I'm officially 17 as of today! Anyway when I first planned this story Christian wasn't a letter I planned to write and now I know why. It was incredible hard to write this. I mean I didn't know what to say so I did my best. I hope this is an okay attempt.

btw: this is dedicated to rose96(:

happy birthday too me! I can finally go see the Black Swan or whatever it's called! I'm so excited.

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Looking down at the letter laying on my doorstep I bend to pick it up when I recognize the handwriting. It's hard not to I mean the girl has the worst handwriting in the world. Laughing a bit I wonder how she managed to get a letter out of her jail. Why did she send me one? I guess I'll have to try to get in to see her. I bet she's dying for company, I mean I can go and annoy her or something. Laughing slightly I pull the letter from the envelope and start to read while kicking the door shut.

_Fireant_

_Figured I try a new name out, yeah I think firecrotch is better. Don't you? Well you can't actually answer that can you? Well you can but I'd never get your answer. Well if I decided to haunt you then I'd know your answer, but if I haunted you then I'd be subjecting myself to spending time with you. I don't know scaring the hell out of you might be worth spending that time with you. What do you think? Don't look so scared fire crotch I'd never subject myself to more time with you. I'm quite happy letting Lissa spend the rest of forever with you. I'd haunt someone like Dimitri anyway. I mean have you seen the guy._

_One time you said you'd like to see me eat my pride and apologize well here I go. I'm going to eat my just for you. I'm a liar who has managed to just about hurt every person who has entered my life, you included. When you and Lissa first began to date, I couldn't stand it. I thought like the rest of the school that you were bad news and I didn't want that for Lissa. I just wanted her to be with someone safe, someone boring I guess. Then I saw her with you and I'm no aura reader but my guess is she lit up like a firework show and I still didn't want you together but I realized how happy you made her._

_Oh, knock the shit-eating grin off your face. The moment I came to accept the love you felt for Lissa was when you were a stowaway in the car. You risked your life to save hers and that's something I will never forget. It may not seem like it but that day you earned my respect. I now earning the respect of an 18-year-old convicted felon doesn't seem like the coolest thing I still think you need to know._

_I know you're thinking I've gone crazy and to tell you the truth you're not far from the truth. Ever since, I was thrown into this prison of sorts my mind hasn't been the clearest. It's like my head is a TV and all I can pick up is static, does that make sense? I guess with all of Lissa's magic this was a long time coming, this insanity I mean. The longer I was here the more I could feel my sanity breaking away into little pieces, falling away never to be found again. Melodramatic right, too bad it's exactly how I feel._

_Lissa is going to take this hard, so take care of her. Don't let her self-destruct like she did after her family's death. I'm not doing this to hurt her; I hope you both understand that. I could never intentionally hurt Lissa at least not in a way as big as this. With me gone her magic is going to eat her alive so watch for it and don't let it get her. I need you to protect her because I can't Christian, please._

_I'm doing this to hold to some of my dignity. If you were facing an execution, I think you'd feel the same way. I've already lost everything else. I need this one thing to be in my control. Watch her for me? Love her enough for the both of us. Goodbye Firecrotch_

_Rose_

_I try to swallow but my mouth is dry. Rose is dead, why didn't anyone tell me? Why hasn't Lissa told me? Rose someone who always seemed so immortal is gone. I'll never hear her yell at me or complain about hungry she is again. A tear I didn't know has come out falls on the paper blurring a word slightly. Wiping my eyes, I lay the letter down and let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Closing my eyes, I prop my head in my hands and I feel the tears building. I know we didn't have the greatest relationship but she was still my friend._


	6. Protection I need you to watch her

Okay so here is Rose's letter to Eddie. I didn't really know what she would say to him but I tried, so maybe it turned out okay. Anyway I have to start school to day. Man I'm going to miss sitting around all day with nothing but VA running around in my head. Thanks for reading and my dinner with Jon was yesterday adn it went great! I'm wa so nervious.

Him: So how was it?

Me: It was fun, no where near as scary as I thought.

Him: Scary?

Me: Man I was so nervious I thought I would wreak on the way over here.

Him: Well I'm glad you didn't(:

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I can't believe it Rose is gone; I'll never hear her smart mouth or spar with her again. She was the best guardian I'd ever seen at eighteen. She could have been a legend, she will be a legend just not a good one. People will always know her as the girl who killed the queen not the girl who killed before she was promised, the girl who fought her way across Russia to save her mentor, the man she loves. Rose always had this air around her that made her seem unbeatable, indestructible. Now she's gone and I've lost the only link I had to Mason. She's gone and I couldn't even bear to see her one last time, I don't want to remember her as the broken girl bleeding on the floor. When I think of her, I need to see the strong warrior she was.

Looking down I pick up her last words to me. I've heard these aren't the nicest words, she made the Janine Hathaway cry and she broke Abe Mazur down. I'm scared to know what she thinks I need to know. What if what she says change my thoughts on her? What if she needs me to do something for her? Would she do that, use her death as a bargaining chip to make me do something? Pulling the letter out I look down at her messing handwriting. Here goes nothing.

_Eddie_

_I was five when I met you. My mom had just left me at the Academy without a second thought. I was a broken, lonely little girl who had no one. You were the kid whose family couldn't bear to leave him, it made me jealous, and I hated you for it. This was all before I even knew your name. Once I met you and got to know you, I regretted ever feeling that way about you. You were the one kid with his friend Mason who didn't mind that I was Janine Hathaway's daughter. I mean really what was the deal we were five, how could little kids know that much and why did it matter to them?_

_You were my first kiss remember that? I'm sure you did seeing how I punched you in the nose for it. I didn't realize how much someone could bleed until that moment. It was gross I mean Eddie we were ten and you had cooties. I think you only did it on a dare although you would never admit to it. I mean you can now but you know I'd never know unless I decide to stick around, ya know and haunt you. The face you made I bet is nowhere near as funny as the one Christian made I bet. I'm not going to haunt you, like I told him if I haunt anyone, it'd be Belikov._

_In all the years that have passed since we met all those years ago, a lot has happened. We've faced down death together, trapped in a basement. You've protected Lissa when I couldn't. We've lost our best friend and both have been addicted to the bite of a strigoi, at least your addiction was unwilling. Of all the things we've seen and done together from death to prank wars this thing I'm about to ask is the most important thing you will ever do for me, if you accept. Are you ready for this?_

_I need you to protect Lissa. She's my best friend and even if I'm dead, she will remain my best friend. I need you to do this Eddie. Please protect her and help her understand that to a Guardian honor is the greatest thing. Tell her that when I was convicted and my Guardianship stripped from me my honor was lost. Make sure she knows that because of all the things that have happened in my life I had no choice but to do this. Well my choices were let them get me or get myself and I got myself._

_Now I need you to understand so that you can help her understand. From the moment, I was arrested and thrown into this hellhole my life was over. My mind tortured me day in and day out. It's gotten to the point where all the thoughts I think are twisted, yes, I know I was always a little twisted but this is different. This is I want to drive a car off a bridge and drown or walk into a strigoi ambush twisted. I just want it to end; I can't take all these faces staring at me, blaming me for something I didn't do. I never was one for staying somewhere long I guess I was just born for leaving. I'm past the point of no return._

_I need this to be over Eddie, it has to end and soon. I always knew my life would be full of death; I just didn't; know mine would be so soon. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you or made you feel. You have the potential and skill to go far. I have no doubt that you will be a top guardian, one Moroi fight over. Good luck out there in the real world. I guess this is goodbye, I hope I don't see you soon._

_Rose_

I can do this. I can protect Lissa. "I promise you Rose that I will protect her until I die." I owe it to her. She's saved my life back then and now I can help protect her best friend. I can do this, for her. I have too.


	7. You were always there

Sorry this took so long:) Anyway here is Lissa's letter.

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Looking down the plain unmarked envelope, opening it is a mistake because it's her writing. The tears begin to fall as I look at her last words. "Why'd you do this Rose?" I yell to no one. Before I know it, I'm falling towards the ground, landing on my knees I begin to read.

Lissa

This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to write, imagine all of that darkness you felt when you had the Jesse incident, now put yourself in a cage with that darkness. That's how I've felt these last weeks. I can feel my sanity slipping away from me. My punishment isn't the execution but the time I've spent waiting here. I can't take any more Liss. I hope you know how sorry I am. I failed you as a guardian and for that I will eternally feel guilty. My one responsibility in my life was to protect you and I failed.

When we were those five year olds sitting in a class learning to write who would have thought my temper and the length of our names would form such a bond. You are not only my best friend but also my sister. We may be from different parents but you are my sister you have been since that class so long ago. You accepted me when no one else, including my own parents, wanted me. You literally saved my life and allowed me to experience so many things. For that, I will eternally be grateful.

Who would have known that when you brought me back to life a bond would be formed? Knowing me now as well as you do now would you still save me? I think you would despite our recent disagreements because we're sisters. Our bond strengthened our relationship making it deeper and harder to break. I have a feeling that when I finally do die that the emotions I feel will pull you and you will witness everything. If this does happen, I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to see anything like this. I've always tried to protect you Lissa. I didn't just protect you because it was my duty but because I couldn't ever bare to see pain in your eyes. When you looked at me, I felt like you saw this indestructible person. Now I'm shattering that image.

When you were on his side, my heart felt even more broken. You were always my Lissa, always on my side and for the first time when it truly mattered, you chose someone who wasn't me. I can't put into words how betrayed I felt and to be honest with you I felt that way until I had been in this prison for a few days. While lying on my bed with the walls caving in I realized that Dimitri needed you both physically and mentally. You were his rock, what held him together and it hurts knowing he needed you and not me but I've come to terms with it. I'm not sorry for feeling the way I did because well it's how I felt but I am sorry for pushing the issue as ruthlessly as I did.

Of all the years, I've known you the last couple of months have been the hardest. When you brought him, back I was ecstatic but then he wanted nothing to do with me. It broke me Liss, broke me bad I'm not going to lie. The entire time he was gone I always fought to find a way to save him or end his life in that state. After everything I went through, he wanted nothing to do with me. You were his savior and I can't put into words how that made me feel. It was as if he ripped my heart out and stomped it to pieces before my eyes.

The heart he shattered is dead, literally and figuratively, there is no way to save it Liss, there never was not when those words left his mouth. When he said them, it was as if something inside me whispered that wasn't supposed to happen something has gone terribly wrong. There's no easy way around why I'm doing this, I can't let the people I've grown up with have the pleasure of ending my life. My death is something that shouldn't be scheduled so I'm speeding up their schedule. I can't let them win; this is my final move, my checkmate in the game of life.

My mind lately has become ever more warped and twisted than usual and I can't deal with it anymore. Every thought I have these days revolve around my death. I need all this to be over I can't live like this anymore. It's as if a black hold has appeared where my life once was and now it's sucking me away, away from you, the gang and Dimitri. It's pulling me downward into an endless darkness, a darkness that scares me. Just think all those years ago we also talked about how we would rise to the very top, my chance is gone Lissa but yours is not. Do not let this stop you from reaching your goals.

Just think one day you could be queen and then I'll just be a distant memory. The guardian who murdered the Queen, at least I hope people talk about me. I mean if I'm going to die for something I didn't do the least people could do is make me famous for it. I'm serious here Liss, smile. When you think of me I hope you remember the girl who would have given her life to save yours, remember the girl who fell in love too late, the girl who didn't kill the queen. Remember me as the girl ruining your surprise by telling you that there is a little Dragomir growing inside you Liss. That's right you're pregnant. Breath you'll be amazing so will fireboy, if he isn't I'll come back from the dead and haunt him for eternity.

I love you Lissa. You are my best friend. The savior of my life. The sister I never had. The family I desperately wanted. I'm sorry I've done this but I had no choice. I'll always watch over you, whether it be from below or above. Goodbye.

Rose

Wiping the tears from my eyes, my hand falls on my stomach and I smile. _Oh, Rosie I'll miss you so much._ Taking a deep breath I look back at the paper, this single sheet of lined paper hold the last words and thoughts of my best friend. "I'm sorry Rose." I whisper picking up the framed picture of us after graduation before our lives grew even more complicated. Pulling it to my chest I feel the tears begin to fall down my face slow at first but growing f aster as the seconds pass. How do I go on when she's dead? _You go on for her and that little Dragomir. _


	8. Like A Kiss Goodbye Ill linger by urside

Heyya(: Sorry I haven't updated but I've been busy with a video I made for my Cousins who moved to Colorado. Then after they left I couldn't really think straight without crying so this is the first chance I've gotten to update. Hope this is okay.

Me: Hey Teacher!

Teacher: That's not my name Elizabeth

Me: Well that's not my name

Teacher: What do you want?

Me: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: No you've already been twice this week.

Me: Well it's not my fault I'm bleeding out my vigina. Damn I'm going to the bathroom.

* * *

Walking into the church, I take a seat before pulling out an old worn picture of Rose and her last words to me. Closing my eyes I hear my words repeated over and over, 'Love Fades, Mine Has'. Every time I hear it my heartbreaks just a little bit more. I never should have lied to her. I was just trying to protect her. I'm not good enough for her and now she's gone forever. Opening the letter, I sigh and begin to read.

Comrade

Have you ever tried to put into words how you feel? If you haven't trust me it's not the easiest thing in the world to do. I'm reaching out to you and I just can't explain why. You are the one note that's been a problem, every time I pick up this pen and begin to write the words won't come out. They refuse to come to me; I don't know what to say to you Dimitri. This feeling is new Comrade, not knowing what to say isn't something that happens a lot. I'm going to do my best to try to explain everything.

When I was just a kid at the academy my dreams consisted of spending my life killing, killing anything that threatened Lissa. Even then, I knew I had to have her as my charge. The last year has changed how I view life Comrade. A lot has changed for me and the bad outweighs the good tremendously but that's just life. I've almost lost my best friend to a crazy power hungry Moroi. I've been kidnapped and watched one of my friends be used as a blood bank and watched the other be brutally murdered before my eyes. I've experienced death on both the receiving and giving end.

I've found the love of my life only to lose him months later. I've dropped out of high school to fulfill a promise only to fail, I've staked him twice and each time I missed the mark. With each stake, I felt my heart die a little bit more. I've gone on a killing spree across Europe and tortured countless strigoi just to find him. I've been a bloodwhore but escaped. I dropped back into the academy thanks to a generous donation, not long after returning I began receiving 'love' letter that lacked in the love department. I've graduated, yeah I actually did it. I've went on a wild rescue trip to release the crazy guy who tried to murder my best friend, all to find the way to save you.

I saved you, Lissa saved you what the hell difference does it make? After all the hell I went through to find a way to change you back, to give you back your life you left me. 'Love fades; mine has' that's all you had to say to me after everything that's all you said. Finally for the big finale I've been charged with the murder of the Queen leaving me where I am now; in a jail cell awaiting my execution with guardians stationed outside and I have no way out, except to do this.

I can't live like this Comrade; I'm not as strong as you are. You've always been better; no matter how much I've tried, I'm never good enough. I can't sit here day in and day out with these walls caving in on me, threatening to suffocate me. This goes against everything I've ever believed in, I remember when Lissa would cut how disgusted I felt and now here I am about to do the same thing except I want a different outcome. I hope this attempt is successful because if it isn't well my death will still come but it will be on a schedule. I can't allow my death to be scheduled. If it's the last thing I do, and I hope it is, my death will be unexpected.

When I met you, I hated you so much. You were the person dragging Lissa and me back into a situation we hated, that was dangerous for her. You saved me Comrade. When you agreed to become my mentor, my life was completely changed. You taught me about discipline, loyalty, life and love. I always had this need to be the best but you took that need and disciplined it allowing me to grow and actually become the best in my class. You taught me that sometimes your loyalty doesn't lie with your charge but with yourself. Good God your life lessons were so annoying, I absolutely hated you Zen crap.

Of all the things you taught me, love was the most important and life changing. When I learned what love was my life was transformed into this new world. A world where everything and anything is possible. Love is this unexplainable emotion that I had never truly felt until you came along with your brown hair, Russian accent, and horrid country music. You weren't just some guy to me Comrade you were the guy. You are my first love and my last I may not be yours but you are mine. I feel like I've wasted the love of my life. We didn't have enough time together. I'm living in the memory of a love that's passed by and I just can't see to escape.

My love for you has never faltered Dimitri. Even when you were evil and wanted me to willingly become my greatest enemy, I loved you. I was the girl who somehow was bound to the humanity of you; even as a strigoi, I saw the good inside you. When I think back on you and me, I remember a time where we were so in love. Do you remember that or have you already forgotten? I'm broken inside, I'm faded and I don't like it. I just want to feel your arms wrapped around my waist and your breath against my ear as you whisper I love you Roza.

I'm stronger than this but for some reason my heart refuses to let you go. It's just holding on for some insane reason that my brain just doesn't understand. Do you know what it's like to know that you're stronger than the way your acting but you can't do anything about it? I miss everything about you. Before I met you, I didn't even know I could love someone so much. I didn't understand that one singular moment could hurt me so much but the moment I realized it was a mistake not being with you haunts me making me miserable all the time. I wish I could remember every single word that you ever said to me because than maybe I could get by, and live my life to a point. I've never lost someone like you before

When I'm standing next to you, I have this feeling that I might suffocate because when I'm next to you I find it increasingly difficult to breathe. It's just that when I feel you so close all those emotions I try to keep suppressed pour into me and it's as if they take up the room my lungs use to expand so it's almost impossible to breathe. After tonight though that won't be a problem, I'll never stand beside you again or have the need to breathe. If you haven't figured it out yet love, this is my goodbye.

My life in this cell has become a battle to live, I constantly feel as if I'm going insane. Who I've become is not who I wanted to be. I never meant to destroy so many lives. My friends have given up so much for my crazy plans and me; some gave their lives while others their reputations. My mind is dark and twisted and haunts me with images of how easy my death would be.

Dimitri I love you, always have and will. You are the love of my life but I'm not the love of your life. You gave up on us when you uttered those words. The words that haunt my dreams that make my days seem endless. The words that replay through my mine day after day mocking me, 'Love fades, mine has'. I've arranged this letter to be delivered after I'm finished here so you will feel no need to come and save me. You no longer need to feel like I'm your responsibility. I don't know what else I can do. This is my only choice. I'm sorry I failed you.

The only way out of this situation is to die. No one knows the secrets I keep Comrade, not even you. I've attached a paper I was given to this letter and I need you to do what the paper asks and tell no one. I know I can trust you because you're Dimitri and your loyalty runs deep. It's low of me to ask like this but I know you can't turn down my last request. You'd never forgive yourself if you did.

I wanted everything to stay the same but people change and feelings fade. We'll be together again one day and I can't wait until then. I love you Comrade forever and always near and far. You're in my heart unconditionally. Please forgive me.

Roza

Laying the paper down I hang my hand and watch my brown hair fall in front of my face, raising my hand to push the hair back I feel wetness on my cheek. I'm crying, she made me cry. "I always loved you Roza." I take a deep breath as I stare down onto a picture of her. "I'm so sorry моя влюбленность." Closing my eyes, I see her smiling face looking at me. Turning the letter over I see the attached paper. Pulling it off I read the Queen's last request of Rose. This could have gotten her off but she kept it to herself. "You keep talking about loyalty Rose but you just made the ultimate sacrifice just to keep your promise; that is loyalty." I don't know whom I'm talking to but it helps. Wiping my eyes, I stand and look around the Cathedral before walking out.


End file.
